Ivy's Present
by randomplotbunny
Summary: Ivy plays matchmaker and everyone wins!


_AN: I'm warning you now, there is smut at the end of this story._

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.**

Batman was chasing one of the numerous petty criminals that infested Gotham. He wasn't anything spectacular- he had robbed a jewelry store at gunpoint and severely injured the owner- but he was fast.

As the man ran head first into an overgrown patch of park, Batman suppressed a groan.

Why didn't these people compare notes with each other? They should all know by now that no-one- even himself- was safe if you left the beaten path- the super villains of Gotham liked to hang out in these places.

Turning to follow the man- the idiot would probably need rescuing in a few minutes- he plowed through the underbrush.

A loud scream up ahead of him made him double his effort- until thorny vines suddenly wrapped around him in a tight embrace, rendering him immobile.

"Well, first a low ranking criminal; and now the Great Batman. My plants are proving to be very good at catching vermin if all sorts." As the red-headed villainess stepped into view the vines tightened a bit more, digging their razor-sharp thorns through the thick armor.

"Ivy..." But the woman wasn't paying any attention to the captured Bat, all her attention was focused on her plant.

"Such a good little vine, you make mama so proud. Now drop them." The vines shuddered obscenely at the woman's praise, and instantly released their strangle hold at her command.

Once he was released he stepped towards the woman, but the vines came between them in a threatening manner.

"Now, now Batman, don't be like that. I'm not out looking for trouble tonight, just taking my baby for a little walk." Scratching behind one of the leaves the plant almost seemed to purr.

"The man you were chasing is just up ahead, he might need to see a doctor as he wasn't wearing any armor. Until we meet again." Sauntering off with a sway of her hips, Batman could only stare as the vine plants- that had been securely planted a moment ago- uprooted themselves and ambled off after her.

Shaking his head- Ivy wasn't really a threat unless protecting her precious plants- he went to collect the bleeding lump he had been chasing a moment ago.

As she walked off Ivy noticed little droplets of red covering the thorns that had held the Batman.

Smiling, she knew just what to do with those droplets; and she also knew the clown to do it to too.

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

The Joker was between crimes at the moment, and was just out for a night on the town trying to have a good time- it wasn't his fault that the mindless herd around him couldn't see that and had to go and call the police.

After dodging the third- or was it forth?- police cruiser to come his way the mad clown had had enough and started on his way home- he had a fabulous little hideout set up at the docks.

Taking a shortcut through the park- he loved how all the little love birds would scatter at the sight of him- he was almost through when a set of vines crossed in front of him.

"I'm not in the mood for games Red, tell me what you want before I put the plant in a shredder!" The plant shrank back at the threat and its mistress stepped onto the path.

"Don't be that way Joker, I came with a present for you." Handing the fearsome clown a small vial of blue liquid she smiled.

"What is it?" He knew this woman could do some fearsome things with a little moisture and didn't want to become a patsy to whatever she was up to- he had his own schemes after all!

"It's the key to the Batman's heart, drink it and he's all yours." Turning away she melted back into the underbrush along with her frightened plant.

All the pieces were set, now all she had to do was sit back and watch- those two had been dancing around each other for far too long.

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

It was turning out to be a dull night. His Batsy was in fine form and had already foiled his plans for the evening.

Now he was sliding across wet roof tops- like usual- running from his Bats- like usual- and it was just getting repetitive and dull.

As he jumped to another roof he felt the weight of Ivy's little bottle in his pocket- he still didn't know why he had kept it- it had been in his pocket for the last month.

Maybe he should use it? He suddenly thought. Whatever it does would at least stop the monotony of the chase.

Decision made he skidded to a stop, grabbed the vial and drank it down. Now all he had to do was wait for his Batsy and see what would happen. He didn't have to wait long.

Hot on the clown's heels the Batman finally caught up to the madman. It always surprised him just how fast the lithe man was.

"Batsy! I just drank something Ivy gave me- and no, I don't know what it does. We can find out together! Won't that be fun?" Startled the Batman rushed to the clown's side.

"You drank something Ivy gave you? Do you have any idea what could happen?!" How could the clown be so blithe about this?! He was likely poisoned and dying by now!

"I just said I didn't, didn't I? Anyway, she said it was the key to you heart; and I've always had a fascination with that particular organ of yours." Taking a deep breath to berate the man once more, he stopped.

What was that smell?

"What's the matter Batsy? You look distracted, am I not enough for you?"

It was coming from the Joker.

"Hello! Earth to Batsy! Anyone home?" Knocking on the side of the cowl, the madman gave a huff- he would have to 'thank' Ivy later, all that had happened was to make his Bat distracted- and began to walk off, his night completely ruined.

Suddenly, strong arms were circling around his waist and pulling him against a strong chest.

"Batsy? What.." He stopped talking when warm breath ghosted across his skin. He repressed a shiver as surprisingly soft lips caressed his neck.

"You smell so good." Came the mumbled reply.

As a hand started working his shirt open the Joker finally realized what he must have been given: a pheromonal aphrodisiac! His Bats was high on his smell!

Pulling away from the groping grip the clown took off- he had some standards and wasn't about to take advantage of a drugged Bat- the growl behind him said that the Batman didn't like that.

Fleeing in earnest the clown actively tried to get away with a passion he hadn't had in years, but the Bat stayed right behind him.

Losing him for a moment in a park a familiar laugh made him turn with a glare.

"You!" Ivy moved forward now that she had been spotted.

"Liking my little present?" She teased with a smirk.

"How long until this stuff wears off?!" Giggling the red-head shook her head in a negative.

"I designed it specifically with your odd body chemistry in mind, so long as you live your going to be pumping out a scent that your Batsy can't resist. But don't worry, it doesn't have any side effects. Unless you count copious amounts of cuddling as a side effect." Just then a black lasso encircled the clown and pulled him upwards.

As he was lifted out of sight Ivy gave another giggle. Batman must have been repressing a strong attraction for the Joker if her little concoction was having such an effect.

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

Opening his eyes the Joker looked around the well-appointed room. He had been knocked out after being lassoed and had no clue as to where he was.

A breath ghosted across his naked shoulder and he lifted the blanket covering him to see that he was in nothing but his Batman boxers and was being loosely held down by a man's arm- he didn't really need to guess as to who the arm belonged to.

Trying to gently wriggle out from under the arm and make his escape, he was pulled back with a huff.

"Mine." Was quietly mumbled into his neck and the Joker tried to pull away again.

"Not yours- well, if you were sober then yeah. But you're not in your right mind! Ivy-"

"Ivy altered your body chemistry to make you irresistable to me. It's your own fault, drinking something she gave you. You should know better." This statement was punctuated by peppered kisses all up and down his long, pale neck.

"You know? So why are you still- Ahn!" He was cut off by a nibble at his ear, funny how he had never known how sensitive they were until that moment.

"I'm a suspicious person by nature, once I had you all to myself my mind cleared enough so I could see that I was behaving oddly. Bringing you back to the cave I took a blood sample from you..." Warm fingers traced over the small bandage on his arm causing the clown to break out into goose-flesh.

"...and I found a compound that wasn't supposed to be there. I then synthesized a neutralizing formula, gave it to you and brought you to bed. It will all work out of your system in a few days." Sucking a bruise into life on the pale skin the amorous vigilante started moving his hand lower.

Shaking with his arousal- he had always had the hots for the Bat, but had never really thought that it would happen- the clown tried once more to inject reason into this situation- and he was completely aware of the irony of this scene: Him, being the reasonable one!

"This doesn't look like a cave. Why would you risk-!" He couldn't even breath for a moment as a large hand snaked below his waist band and took hold of him.

"What part of irresistable didn't you understand?" Pulling blood red lips to meet his own the Batman silenced anymore protests.

Giving himself over to the experiance- they could deal with the fallout in a few days when the compound was out of his system- he kissed his Batsy back hungrily.

Turning over completely the Joker worked them both out of the underpants.

Taking them both in hand he slowly began to stroke- they were both already hard and leaking.

Pulling out of the kiss the madman took in his first sight the unmasked Bat.

"My, my Mr. Wayne. And here I thought you were just a playboy!" As his lips were caught once more he parted his them and was rewarded by a tongue slipping inside.

Moving his hand and hips in sync, the Joker worked to bring his partner off first.

With a stuttered cry his Batsy came all over his hand, and he followed a moment later.

Panting they laid back and his Bat laid his tousled head on his white chest. Carding his fingers through the soft brown locks the Joker gave a little chuckle.

"Oh Brucey, your going to kill me once we're back to normal!" Turning to look up at his clown the billionaire gave a lopsided smile.

"And why would I do something like that?" Came the purred response.

"Oh, lots of reasons. But mainly the fact that you don't have any desire for me what-so-ever and will consider this a form of rape." Pulling himself up to look down at the clown under him, Bruce gave a smirk.

"Who said that I didn't want you? I've just never acted on these feelings before." Swallowing the startled gasp his clown issued with a deep kiss, the Knight got ready for round two with his Prince.

It was just too bad he'd had to remove Ivy's compound from the man's system- the Joker smelled so good!


End file.
